so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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