I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
