a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
