I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
