That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
