Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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