their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
