Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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