9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
