My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Your tits are I can't wait for
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
