Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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