i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
