i just wanna soil my oats bro
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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