Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
