If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
