Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
