my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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