if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
