So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
