perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
