There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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