break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
