i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
