when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
