the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
