it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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