Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
