At least make sure they are 18
Why
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
