Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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