Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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