did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
