Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
