my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
