I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just invented taco cereal.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
