Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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