What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
