you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
