why didn't you poke me back
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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