I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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