last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
