I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
