Tell her she can't have a vagina
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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