Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
