it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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