Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
