dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
