After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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