come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
If I die, sorry about rent.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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