I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
