I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
