Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
