Did you just see the Batmobile???
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
