Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
